In May of 2010, with the limited skills of the original Hotmail as my only toolbox, I began this blog. Having woken up to the reality of the Matrix of Psychiatry, I had begun to fight back. It began with uncovering the first bold lie, regarding one of the essential ingredients of my polypharmaceutical cocktail; Seroquel.
To accurately explain the intensity of my reaction upon learning the truth about Seroquel, let take my reader back in time to my Internship at Tufts Graduate School Counseling Program Days. It is 1979, and I have just completed a two semester Internship at 735 House, a Residential Treatment Center for Adolescants. It is time for me to find my Internship for the following year, and I’m exhausted, discouraged by the Insanity of 735 House (the Director and the policies, not the residents), and I arrive at an interview at a Clinic where I plan to work with “Schizophrenic” Patients.
The most shocking thing about this Clinic, is not it’s general shabbiness. It is not that the staff seem uncaring, because they don’t….which is why I want to work there. What is shocking is Tardive Dyskenisia (sp?). Every single patient has it; a degenerative neurological syndrome involving, most obviously, gross involuntary movements of the tongue and face. TD turns “Schizophrenic” people into absolute lepers. And it is entirely drug induced. Already, in my education, I had enough information to take the stand that this status quo was an unnecessary tragedy. This mass drugging was already underway in 1979……and long before that….in the “treatment of schizophrenia”.
Flash Forward; It is 2008, the Psychs have had me in captivity now since 1997(?), and I am completely brainwashed (sic)….on oh- so- many levels. I am sitting before my “Doctor”,whose name is Nancy Lehman (October Road, Asheville, NC) and she says to me, “We need to do a Tardive Dyskinesia Screen”.
WHOOOOAAAAAA DOGGGGIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!!!!!@@**###????? In WHAT UNIVERSE did I agree to take a DRUG that has even the remotest possibility of causing Tardive Dyskenisia???????????????? And the answer is; NOT IN THIS ONE.
I reviewed in my mind all the “Education Groups” I had been subjected to in hospitizations (for my worsening organic brain disease). I looked through all the written handouts I had saved, listing the “side effects” of Seroquel…..and GUESS WHAT? Not a single group handout had expressed the truth that drug companies had, in fact, known for decades. Seroquel was marketed originally, based on the lie that it did not cause TD. Another “Side Effect” that did not appear on any of my Handouts was Diabetes. Or weight gain.
Sitting across from Nancy Lehman that day two years ago, I controlled my reaction; as I had learned to do many years before in The Mental Health System. It is the very basic survival skill everyone learns. I feigned a relaxed response. Had I expressed my outrage, I would have been given more drugs, or even hospitalized for “agression”. This is de rigeur now in the Soviet Union…..forgive my error, I meant The United States. Everything is a symptom; something to be made to go away with drugs.
It was a “moment of consciousness” for me. An epiphany. Like hitting a massive boulder, and somehow seeing the point of impact in time to “bounce”, I left the offices of October Road with a sense of resolve growing. It felt reassuringly like the way I used to feel when I knew I was about to write a song ( a memory from the distant past). In the back of my mind, pieces were falling into place. And when I returned to my apartment in West Asheville, I went directly to my computer and met the best friend and companion of my entire life: The Internet.
I am beginning this blog again on New Year’s Eve 2010. No longer in Asheville, North Carolina, I am in a place far away from that day I have described. I mean that on many different levels, and my purpose in this blogging is to explore all of that and give voice to this journey, which is, unfortunately, not at all mine alone. And because I have the voice to speak, I consider it my duty……and my honor.
For all of those who have needlessly suffered the torture and betrayal I speak of, and for all those who have died in vain…..and for all those who have loved them and fought for them, who carry on this fight to save the future of our Children….YOU are in my prayers for this New Year. May THIS ONE be the year our entire society wakes up from its’ Drug Induced Nightmare. May THIS YEAR be the one in which we take to the streets in mass demonstrations to end the oppression and the tyranny of greed. May this be the year we all take personal responsibility for the fate of our neighbors and friends. Amen.